How to write your memoir #5
Part B: Your own secrets
“I’d love to write a memoir, but it would need to be published after my death!”
I’ve heard this more than a few times. It’s usually said with a laugh, but there’s always a kernel of truth...
Some parts of our lives and our histories are more private than others. I’d say our secrets exist on a spectrum, a sliding scale, but for ease of reference let’s break it down into three main categories:
Light secrets
These are the kind that you tell over a cup of tea with a wink and a grin. You don’t really mind if people know these things about you, and it may indeed be a pleasure to tell these cheeky stories to your friends and acquaintances.
Secrets for now
These are the ones that you would like to share, but you are perhaps cautious of judgement or repercussions. You might be proud of these things, or you’d like to set the record straight, or reveal something that you feel is important. To share these things might feel good or bring relief, but it also carries some risk.
Deep secrets
These are the ones you really do take to your grave. You don’t want anyone to know about these things.
You certainly won’t be giving away any ‘deep’ secrets, but an entertaining memoir will likely include a few zesty anecdotes from the ‘light’ category.
And a really captivating memoir will reveal stories from the ‘for now’ category. This is where our vulnerability and authenticity may shine — if we allow it.
How ready are you to reveal yourself?
It’s a big step to do so — and there’s no need to rush it. It’s not just you that needs to be ready, it’s also the world. Your children, parents, colleagues, bosses, neighbours and/or the law might not be ready to hear some stories yet. It may not even be safe to share everything just now: changing laws, politics and social norms can have a big impact.
If it’s not the right time yet, don’t worry, there are still things you can do to help your future self write a memoir:
Make notes of events as they happen, and your feelings and responses. Even the things that feel huge and unforgettable in the moment can blur in our memories after a while, so jot down those reminders.
Collect papers, letters, mementos, news articles. These will be a source of great inspiration later, and it’ll help if they’re all in one spot for you to easily access in the future.
Identify what’s keeping you quiet now. When you’re very clear about your obstacles, it’s easier to recognise when the path is open and the time is right to tell your story.
And of course… there is always the option to make ‘writing a memoir’ one of your ‘for now’ secrets — a surprise to be revealed in your will!